make a break

She said she wanted a clean break, a fresh start, a new view on this tired scene. Unable to physically remove herself or transcend realities she began breaking and replacing everything around her in an almost systematic manner. She thought that if the landscape changed, if the players changes, then inevitably she would have to change too. Passing off the blame to those around her rather than riding herself to the shame house. It was a sad story and even as she was telling it, creating it, she could see the flaws and fractures in her reasoning. She hung to the belief that if she just created a break so severe her neurological pathways would be forced to reconfigure themselves. But the bad times kept revisiting her in her dreams because you can't teach ghosts to stay away and you can't ask memories to change.

Eyes Up

Even if you were looking there is no way you would have seen this coming. Sometimes the horizon is just an illusion and the more we chase it the less we see what's taking place right next to us. When our gardens go untended and when the waters cease to flow we suddenly find ourselves in a place we never meant to be. Like the life we had or the life we thought we were making just slipped out the back door without our noticing because we were paying so much attention to the flashing lights. Becoming the person you want to be can be a painful process because many times growing takes place in spite of ourselves. It is easier to kick against the things that happen to us, easier to deny the obvious. What I always wonder though is when will we fall in line with what is good for us as well as what we want?

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate

The Ninth Circle, fourth round, of hell is saved for the betrayers. All sinners punished, encapsulated in ice, for eternity. 

want more?

Looking for creative types to start a forum or workshop of sorts. Anything you can bring to the table is appreciated. More details to follow... email me at belair.erin@gmail.com

brighter note

 

On a brighter note. I bought these. 

So effing cute.

So 70's.

So Fall. 

So Me.

pledged

In the grand scheme of things this all seems to inevitable to have circumvented. Some things you cannot avoid. These are things that were set into motion many moons ago. Only now do we see how greatly our actions affect others. For all those that were a part of this, I am deeply sorry, for I've been teaching lessons I had no right to give. When the new year came around I sat in my yoga class and we penciled out goals for ourselves like the first day of third grade. Mine sits taped to my mirror and says, Do Right By Myself.

let go

bye.